Sunday, 18 April 2010

I heard he sang a good song...


The weekend’s fun continued when I spent an interesting Saturday evening with Van. After a delicious tea at Oriental Place, I dragged Vanessa across the road to the Piano Bar. Actually, dragged is wrong, lightly coaxed would be a better description as she never, ever needs much persuasion.

As we entered the bar, we were welcomed by the soft lilt of Piano Bar’s hostess, Roberta Slack, posing the customary question: “Do you girrrls sing?”.

The month of April brings joy to the residents of East Sussex for many different reasons. As the evenings become longer, the lambing season is in full flow and daffodils and hyacinths begin to bloom in abundance, April is also the month that the besequinned Roberta Slack returns to town. Whoopee!

SuBo she ain’t, but her frocks are fabulous and there’s nowhere in Brighton I’d rather be on a Saturday night.

Impressed by the new decor and relieved that the bar was considerably livelier than on some of our previous visits, we ordered a couple of house doubles and took our places near the stage. I remember the first time we brought Marie here. The bar was empty aside from the three of us and a frankly ancient fellow who proceeded to take our photo and grin at us in silence as we supped our drinks as quickly as possible in an attempt to get out of there as soon as it was polite to do so.

But back to last night... Whilst Vanessa was perusing the karaoke books, deciding which tune would suitably demonstrate our vocal talents, I was approached by a man from the next table who just moments ago had been passionately kissing his male companion.

Man: Hi. So, what’s your story? Gay, straight, bi?

Me: Oh, I’m straight

Man: And your friend (indicates Vanessa with a nod of his head)

Me: She’s straight too

Man: Great, great. So let’s swap numbers, hook up some time for some fun?

Me: (stares, puzzled)

Man: You know, some fun? Unless you’re just here for the singing. (laughs)

Me: Oh yes. We are. We’re just here for the singing.

Man: (laughs) Well, I’ll give you my number in case either of you feels like calling me later.

Me: No. No thanks, neither of us is interested.

Man: (leans in closer) Well if it helps persuade you... (pauses) I have a really massive cock.

Me: (chokes on G&T) No, no, thanks. Will you excuse me please?

As I scurry over to Vanessa, oblivious and innocently flicking through a list of “Motown Showstoppers”, the man proceeds to try his luck with the hostess, sleazily rubbing up against her as they take to the stage to perform a duet.

As we left the bar an hour or so later, he was still offering his number to anyone who cared to take it. Gay, straight or bi , he didn’t seem to mind.

Maybe this is what Mike at the George was trying to warn us about.

1 comment:

  1. oh yeah! I remember too... but maybe I was lucky that day not to meet anybody, or at least anybody that would have started a weird conversation with me, I might have never come back to that place if this interesting guy had been the first person i'd had met there!!

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